What? I am a legalist?

Before I start, I just want all you Calvary people to know this is only MY opinion. So I hope you won't be offended, but maybe some of you have felt the same way.

Let me start at the beginning. I was brought up in a charsimatic Assy of God church. It was a tongue talkin' holy ghost filled dancin' in the aisle kind of church. You would think, compared to most churches that Calvary was a very liberal and excepting church. And, in some areas it really was an open loving church. But at the same time it was a condeming church. I learned you do this....you go to hell, you do that.... you go to hell. It's no wonder that once I got into college I went buck wild crazy. I mean, I was going to hell anyway according to them. Might as well as have fun doin' it. One thing with me. If you push me, I will bolt in the other direction. And that is what I did. A complete 180 away from Christ and away from the church.

And so, lets bump it up a few years to December 2007. I was at my home church listening to Pastor Stan teach a sermon on God's grace. He was saying how the Pharisees were so bound by legalism that people were frightened into Christianity. They pretty much scared the living tar out of you. For his illustration he had an 8 foot wooden cross on center stage. It was 10 inches wide about an inch thick. He laid the cross down and tried to walk on it like a balance beam. His arms were stretched out, so he could keep his balance. And as he tried to walk across it, he was demonstarting what the Pharisees said was God's grace. The Pharisees were so bound by the law, that walking with Christ was like walking a tight rope. And to fall! Well, it's pretty much a done deal for ya.

I completely got what he was saying. For the last 20 some years I have been trying to walk my life on a tight rope. Afraid of just what might happen if I stumble and fall, or what is going to happen since I know I already have once or twice.

But then Stan turned the cross over, to the flat side of the board. And he then proceeded to walk across. Yeah, if he walked to fast and got ahead of himself he would fall off the edge. But he could walk across at a smooth pace, not needing his arms out to keep his balance-God's grace was the width of that board.

I felt my jaw drop as I watched him gracefully walk backward and forward on that board. It was like a light had gone off in my head. I don't know that I could really put into words what I felt to watch him do that. All I can tell you was that my life changed from that point on. It was like a veil had be ripped from my eyes. I was seeing God's grace in all his glory.

There is nothing wrong per say on having a legalistic view. I just never knew I had it. And I still have some legalistic views on some areas and I am not bothered by that. What I have to do now is research, WHY. I don't want to say I believe this or that because a preacher shouted it at me from the pulpit. I want to stand firm on my beliefs and say I believe this because I read it right here in Gods Word.

Calvary was a good church. And I wouldn't trade the memories in for all the money in the world. I just wish that I was taught exactly what the Word of God said. I wish I would have known that great men of the Bible fell once, twice maybe even three times in their walk with Christ. Maybe then I wouldn't have strived to been so perfect. Maybe I would have been okay with the fact that I am a born sinner and that no matter what I do, I will sin time and time again. But I am blessed with the grace of God, my Lord and Savior and he will forgive me time and time again.

Now I need answers to my legalistic views. So, I am seraching. I look in the Word, the internet (which if you do that, always find scripture to back it up) and I ask my most trusted friends.

Here is a list of websites I have gone to to get answers:

http://www.rbc.org/
http://www.bible.org/
http://www.preceptaustin.org/
http://www.biblebb.com/
http://www.ccel.org/
http://www.crosswalk.com/
http://www.studylight.org/

Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. It is a trustworthy statment deserving full acceptance. For it is for this we labor and strive because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, espcecially of faithful.

1 Timothy 4:7-10