Reconciliation

My pastor has started a 13 week sermon based on Matthew 5-7 Last Sundays sermon was on Reconciliation. When I read the email letting me know what the sermons title was based on, I thought "Hmm, this won't mean much to me. I get along with everyone!"





Websters definition of reconciliation is: to return harmony, make compatible or settle amicably an make acquiescent


I am not needing to make harmony with anyone. I like everyone I am in contact with. Needless to say, I was wrong. And there were alot more people in the congregation just like me.



This guy Carl came up and gave his testimony. He told of how he and his father had a strained relationship for some time. They went years without even talking to each other. Then while on a Mens Retreat, it surfaced. There was a man from our church that talked with him about how he needed to reconcile (there's that word) with his father. He gave three reasons on why he needed to do this:





1. to not repeat history with his on children, family and friends


2. to bridge that gap he was creating between him and God. The anger he had toward his father was preventing him from growing closer to his heavenly father


3. its a commandment, honor your father and mother





As most of you know, my sister and I were adopted by our dad when we were young. My "sperm donor of a father" gave up all rights when we were very little. So, I have two dads. I have a "dad" and I have a Dad.





I haven't spoken to my "dad" since I was about 3 or 4. He was a dueche bag. The things he did were of a man with a very hateful and sinful heart. Giving my sister and I up was the only good thing he probably ever did.





I have spent the last 20 some years hating him. He never called. He never wrote to me. Never sent pictures. He wasn't there and he didn't want to be. Honestly, it hurts to know that your own flesh and blood wanted absolutely NOTHING to with you at all. Had completely written me off, never to think of again.





As a child, it hurt. I didn't realize it did. I had a Dad. He was there when I started school, at all my plays and sporting events and he loved me like I was his very own. But that doesn't fill that rejection that I felt down deep.



Deep down, I have always wanted to meet my "dad" I want to know if I look like him, do I at like him or talk like him. What are my other grandparents like? What are my brothers, yes I have brothers and I wonder what they are like.





Then last year I got a call from my "dad" On the voicemail he acted like he had no clue as to who he was calling. Two hours later I called him back. We spoke for about an hour. Of course he told me how much he loved me and always missed me. He tried to bring up memories of our place in South Carolina. He said he always wanted to contact me, but wasn't sure if he should.

I don't know why he decided to contact me this day. So, now after a church service I am faced with the idea of having to forgive my father for all the years I have held a grudge against him. It's painful after harboring something for so long, and honestly I don't know if I will do and I don't know when.

Much prayer will be needed on this one......